


I am NOT sick

by Yeetminho



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ADHD, Angst?, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bulimia, Capgras Syndrome, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Insomnia, Insomniac Bang Chan, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Nervousness, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Overthinking, Psychosis, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Suicidal Thoughts, attempted plot, fatal attraction syndrome, histrionic personality disorder, not all sad, weight loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29465364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeetminho/pseuds/Yeetminho
Summary: He doesn't deserve to be in this place.He's not crazy. He's not out of his mind. He doesn't need help.Why try to fix something that doesn't need fixing?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	1. Ha Psych!

**Author's Note:**

> Please be wary of the tags as they are there for a reason and this fic might come off as extremely triggering!!!
> 
> I am NOT glamorizing mental disorders as I suffer from a few of these and I would like to make it clear.
> 
> Sorry for deleting almost all of my past fics. I got extremely ill and almost died in the hospital (July 29, 2020) and recently recovered and decided to try starting over.
> 
> (Italicized is inner thoughts)

_ Wow... that's all I have to say... wow. I never would have expected this day to go like this. Never expected to be sitting in the back of an ambulance on my way to an institution for the insane and hopeless. I don't need to go. I'm perfectly fine. I had my reasons for doing what I did. I tried to help. I didn’t do anything wrong. They don't want to believe me because naturally humans are fearful or have antithetical reactions to the unknown. Oh but not me. I like to welcome it… in fact, I actually embrace it. _

_ "Uh, Lee Minho?" _

_ Minho looked up and realized that they had arrived at the dreaded destination. He grabbed his large navy blue duffel bag and stepped out of the green and off-white vehicle. It actually doesn't look half bad. The cream colored building had a large beautiful archway with a large circular flower patch with many colors of flowers about 10 feet in front of the building's glass doors. On the sides of the building were hedges that were taller than him. It was about 7 pm so the shadows complemented the scenery beautifully. He had always appreciated nice scenery. If he hadn't known better he wouldn't have thought this place was a psych ward. _

_ A nurse walked out of the building and Minho quickly averted his gaze to the pavement under him to avoid making eye contact with the woman walking towards him. "Hello, Minho. Please follow me so we can get you set up and registered." He just nodded in response. He hasn't said much at all since all this started. He hated people. Anyone that knew him knew it. He barely even spoke to his family and had no friends. He'd rather spend his day at home with his cats. _

_ As he entered he noticed it was quite dull. Not much of a surprise. The lobby had a rug, a few chairs, and two paintings on the wall. He followed the nurse past the receptionist’s desk and through a door that required a key card. They walked a little bit further down the hall and turned left into a small room. _

_ "Someone will be here momentarily to help you get all sorted out." The nurse said with a reassuring smile. Minho gave her a single nod with an expressionless face. She walked out of the room and He walked over to a small couch in the corner of the room and sat down. _

_ The people here seem so fake. The fake smiles. The fake enthusiasm. The fake concern. I am perfectly fine... I'm only here because my father made me. _

_ "Hello, are you Mr. Lee Minho? I'm Doctor Ling." Minho didn't even notice that someone had entered the room. The doctor gave him a small bow and Minho just stared blankly at him. "Alright, I am going to have to take your bag to get examined and searched." Dr. Ling reached over to the couch and grabbed the duffel bag and walked out of the room. Why do they need to search my bag?  _

_ A few minutes later the doctor walked back into the room with a small stack of papers. "I'm going to have to ask you to answer these and write your signature on these papers." Dr. Ling handed him the papers and he began reading and filling out the required information. When he finished he handed the papers back. "We need to take some blood draws so if you can sit still for a minute we can quickly get it done." The doctor once again walked out of the room and a few minutes passed before he came back with the same nurse as before. Minho rolled his sweater sleeves up to expose his pale arms and just stared at it as the needle went into his vein and began extracting the blood. When the nurse finished she gave the vials to the doctor. _

_ "Alrighty, all done. Now if you follow me we can take you to your room where we put your clothing and a schedule for your group. By the way, you are going to be in Group S." She smiled and Minho slowly stood up and began to follow her out the door. "Just for tonight, you will be in a room with surveillance along with another patient that also came in today. You will be starting some medication tomorrow morning and to get your medication you will tell the nurse your name, age, and patient number." Minho just nodded while keeping his distance from her. _

_ They walked through a few more doors with key card verification and finally reached the room and the nurse opened the door. "It is currently 8:20 so in about 5 to 10 minutes your roommate will be here." She said glancing at her watch. "Also, I will need to take your shoes as we do not allow shoelaces in patients' possession." Minho rolled his eyes and sighed as he gave her his shoes and sat down on the bed that his clothes were folded on. The nurse left. She finally left.  _

_ The room had two beds on opposite sides of the room with two desks near the small windows. _

_ This has to be a joke. I'm not sick. I'm not crazy. I'm not insane. I don't belong here. I did what I did for a reason. I explained it but they said I was sick and needed help. Maybe they're the ones that need help. _

_ He gave out a loud sigh as he laid down on the thin stiff mattress with baby blue sheets. I'm tired. Maybe if I try to sleep now I won't have to deal with this roommate. He closed his eyes and just as he was about to fall asleep he heard the door creak open and someone shuffled into the room and next to his bed. "Hi, I'm Bang Chan" Minho just laid there and didn't respond. "If you don't want to talk to me yet I'm completely fine with that. If you need anything I'm just on the other side of the room. It's nice having a roommate." He heard the man walk over to the other bed and lay down. I guess he's nice. It's probably faux though. Nobody can care enough to actually live up to that offer. _

_ Since it was their first night there they had a few doctors and nurses come and go so they can prescribe them the proper medication. They were to get their psych evals tomorrow and Minho was NOT looking forward to it. He explained to them what happened. He explained why he did what he did. They just seemed unsatisfied with any answer he gave them. By the time the nurses stopped coming in and out it was 9:45. Minho finally decided to look at his schedule and to say he was disappointed would be an understatement. _

__

**_Group S schedule:_ **

**_6:30_ ** _ -wake up _

**_7:00 - 7:30_ ** _ -Medication Line _

**_7:30 - 8:15_ ** _ -Vitals / Daily Assessment _

**_8:15 - 9:00_ ** _ -Breakfast _

**_9:00 - 9:15_ ** _ -Break _

**_9:15 - 10:15_ ** _ -Personal Hygiene _

**_10:15 - 10:45_ ** _ -Goals Group _

**_10:45 - 11:30_ ** _ -Nursing topic group _

**_11:45 - 12:30_ ** _ -Lunch _

**_12:30 - 12:45_ ** _ -Break _

**_12:45 - 1:30_ ** _ -Group Therapy _

**_1:30 - 2:00_ ** _ -Prepare for visitation/TV time _

**_2:00 - 2:45_ ** _ -Visitation/ TV time _

**_2:45 - 3:00_ ** _ -Break/ snack _

**_3:00 - 3:45_ ** _ -GYM/ REC _

**_3:45 - 4:45_ ** _ -Art time _

**_4:45 - 5:30_ ** _ -Dinner _

**_5:30 - 5:45_ ** _ -Break _

**_5:45 - 6:30_ ** _ -TV time/ personal hygiene _

**_6:30 - 7:15_ ** _ -Support groups _

**_7:15 - 7:45_ ** _ -EA/ topic group _

**_8:00 - 8:30_ ** _ -Snack _

**_8:30 - 9:00_ ** _ -Medication Line _

**_9:00 - 9:15_ ** _ -Break _

**_9:15 - 9:45_ ** _ -Group reflection _

**_9:45 - 10:00_ ** _ -Prepare for bed _

**_10:00_ ** _ -Lights out _

__

_ What if I just don't go? What are they going to do to isolate me? Take away my visitation privileges? Pfft, it's not like I'm going to be putting that to use anyway. Isolation wouldn't be so bad, I wouldn't have to deal with anyone. Not even a roommate. Well... the more I cooperate the sooner I can get out. Okay.. I'll play their game. _

_ He laid there staring at the wall for a few minutes before eventually falling into a dreamless sleep. He really was tired. _

_ Chan. Chan had always been good at analyzing people and feeling what they feel. But with his new roommate… he can’t feel anything coming from him, not even a vibe. He seems like a shell of a person. A dead man walking. He hasn’t spoken nor even made eye contact. It was as if Chan just wasn’t there at all. He didn’t acknowledge his presence. _

_ Chan noticed earlier that when the nurses were talking to who he is assuming is Minho he purposefully avoided making eye contact. Chan caught a glimpse of his eyes and they were just… dull? Soulless? No, there was something there… he just wasn’t sure what. His body language was also stiff. He didn’t make any movements that would give off a particular emotion. He didn't slouch. He didn't mess with his hands or his clothing. He realized that because of this, he wants to get closer to Minho. What is so different about this boy? How is he able to be so cold and indifferent? Chan made it his personal mission to find out as much as he can about Minho.  _

_ Wow, what a day right? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Minho going to be diagnosed with? What did he do to end up here?
> 
> ______________________________________________________  
> If anyone has any questions about my absence or about the ff feel free to DM me on twitter @yeetminho  
> I'm trying to get the hang of writing again so I apologize if this first chapter is a bit choppy.  
> I have big plans for this ff.


	2. Impostor

_ *THUD* _

Minho bolted upright in his bed and fell onto the cold floor in the process. While still laying on the floor he darted his eyes towards the source of the percussive sound that awoken him from his sleep. As his eyes were adjusting to the dark and cold room he was in he suddenly remembered where he was...  _ the fucking psych ward. _

"Oh my gosh! Are you alright?" He heard someone run up to him and grab his hand, "Here I'll help you up." 

"I can do it myself." Minho jerked his hand away from the person. He sat up and leaned against his elbows while examining the room as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. He looked up to see a blonde haired man standing above him with a look of worry and concern.  _ He's pretty good looking. _

"I'm sorry they startled you, Are you alright?" The man asked him with an awkward chuckle.

"I'm alright. What was that loud thud?" Minho asked while wiping his eyes and slowly rising from the floor to settle on the edge of his bed.

"Ahh... a nurse came in to check up on us, he must have closed the door a bit too loudly when he left." The man, who Minho is assuming is Chan, his roommate, answered as he made his way to his own bed. He then glanced at the window.

"What time is it?" He asked Chan blankly as he realized it was still dark outside.

"The nurse said 5:30 am, I couldn't sleep so I stayed up" Chan answered with a smile as he leaned against the wall next to his bed.

"Mmmm." Was the last thing Minho mumbled before laying back down and facing the wall. He didn't want to go into any further conversation with this man.

"Uhh, we need to wake up in an hour. I can wake you up if you'd like me to! I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight." Chan offered with a small chuckle. Minho didn't answer, he just waved his hand in the air and laid there. 

_ I won't be going back to sleep anyways. He just needs to worry about himself. I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone. I'm not a kid. _

A few minutes go by and he heard Chan start humming a familiar song, he couldn't recall the name of the peaceful melody but he didn't want to ask as he was already a bit irritated for being woken up at such an ungodly hour. But at the same time, it'll drive Minho ACTUALLY crazy if he has to think about it the whole day.  _ Ask him later.  _ With that, he drifted off to sleep again.

"-inho... Minho... Miiinnnhhooooo" He woke up again to a soft voice saying his name and being shaken lightly and rolled onto his back to see who dared to wake him up.  _ Of course, it was Chan. _

"You didn't have to wake me up. I could have woken myself up or waited on a nurse." He said as he sat up and rubbed his tired eyes.

"I know but I could see how you reacted to them earlier so I thought you'd be more comfortable with somebody that isn't any of them waking you up." Chan smiled at Minho showing off his perfect, pearly white teeth as he stood up.

"Okay... thank you I guess." Minho may not like people but he wasn't rude, he knew his manners.

Just then a nurse came in "Hey boys, time to- oh you're already awake. No touching." the nurse playfully scolded while pointing a finger at Chan.

"Don't worry we're not, we were just talking." He responded with a giggle.

"Oh? You got him to talk?" the nurse looked surprised as she turned her attention towards Minho and stared at him for a few seconds before quickly looking away.

"Anyways I got your medication." She disappeared for a few seconds before returning to the room with a tray. "Tell me your name, age, and patient number please." She asked Minho as Chan slipped past her to get to his own bed to wait for his turn.

"Lee Minho. 22. 042320." He answered with a slow monotone voice. He was given a small cup and a bottle of water. As the nurse walked away to ask Chan the same things he looked down into the cup and counted seven pills, two green and while capsules, a blue and white capsule, a small white circular pill, and three larger circular gray pills.  _ I'm not fucking crazy.  _

He looked up and saw the nurse standing in front of him and he assumed that she was waiting for him to take the medication. He sighed and took one last look at the small cup before opening the water bottle and swallowing the stupid pills.

“Alright boys well I’ll be back to take vitals and then I will bring you breakfast, starting tomorrow once you have your rooms, you will start a regular schedule and will be put in the sector with the rest of your group.” She finished as she took the small cup from Minho. She gave them each one last bow before leaving. 

_ *THUD* _

_ They need to fix that stupid door. Hopefully, I get my own room so I won’t have to deal with anyone. _

“Are you okay? You’re staring at the wall.” He heard Chan’s distant voice and just gave a nod, not bothering to look at him. “Uh, may I ask what you’re in here for? Or what you have?” He heard him ask with caution as he walked over to him and sat down crisscrossed on the floor in front of him. 

“I’m not sick.” That was all he said before getting up off the bed and began walking over to the bathroom. “I’m sorry for asking, I’m in here for severe insomnia and ADHD… If you care at all.” Minho refused to answer him and entered the bathroom. 

When he came out he saw the nurse come back and saw a cart with food and things he assumed were for taking their vitals, the nurse finished Chan and they were chatting before the nurse made her way to Minho’s bed while Minho slowly made his way to the nurse. 

“Before I give you breakfast I must take your vitals” She put a blood pressure cuff around his left bicep, put a thermometer under his tongue, and wrapped some gauze-looking tape over his left index finger.

“O-okay, everything is looking good, here’s your tray.” She walked over to the cart and handed Minho a tray of food before leaving.

_ Not very appetizing. I’ll eat later.  _ Minho thought before putting the tray to rest at the foot of his bed.

“Ya know, you should eat so you have the energy to get through today. It’s a big day for the both of us and we’re meeting some new people” Chan smiled as he took a bite of his apple slice.

“I’m not hungry.” Minho silently dismissed him as he got black sweatpants and a white t-shirt to get ready for the day. As he finished getting dressed he saw Chan finish his food before also getting dressed. 

_ Well… might as well eat a few apple slices _

_ *Knock Knock*  _

“Hey guys, right now if you can follow me I can take you to get evaluated and meet your therapists that you will be seeing for the duration of your stay.” A new male nurse announced to them before Minho and Chan slipped on some slippers that were provided by the hospital before following in tow.

They walked through a few doors and finally came to a waiting room with four couches and three doors. 

“Chan you will enter the door on the far right and Minho you go in the middle one.” The nurse gestured towards said doors. “Thank you!” Chan responded and bowed before shuffling over to his assigned room. Minho gave the nurse a nod and slowly walked to the door, he put his hand on the handle and gave a low sigh before entering the lightly brightened room. He looked ahead and saw a white chair, a padded coffee table, and a small yellow couch.

“Lee Minho? I’m Doctor Kim. Please sit down on the yellow couch in front of me.” A woman with short brown hair gestured to the said couch. Minho made his way over and sat down stiffly while staring at his shoes.

“I’m going to ask you questions and I’d appreciate it if you answer honestly.” He heard her say as she grabbed a clipboard.

_ (Only showing main questions) _

“Name, birthdate, and patient number?”

“Lee Minho. 10/25/98. 042320.”

“How would you describe yourself?”

“Intelligent. Normal. A nobody.

“How would you describe your childhood?”

“Normal.”

“Please clarify.”

“No need to.” 

“Have you been to counseling or psychotherapy?” 

“Once. When I was 19. Didn’t like it.”

“Alright, what were you there for?”

“.....signs of sociopathy.”

“Are you/ were you on any medication of any type?”

“No.”

“Ever been hospitalized for psychiatric problems?”

“No, and I don’t need to be.”

“Ever had suicidal thoughts or depression?”

“No. Maybe depression.”

“Any substance abuse of any kind?”

“No. It makes you stupid.”

“Any major surgeries or major illnesses in the past 10 years?”

“No.” 

“Minho, are you being completely honest with all of these questions?”

“Yes.”

The therapist gave him a stern look before sighing lightly. "Okay, I was requested to ask you to clarify about this interview tape that was recorded of your police interrogation." The woman grabbed a small recorder out of a black bag and sat it in the center of the table and pressed play. 

_ “Lee Minho. Age 23. Date February 15th, 2021. Minho, do you know why you’re here? If so please explain what happened yesterday night” _

_ “I did nothing wrong. That’s not my mom. Why doesn’t my dad see anything wrong with this… IMPOSTOR? I’ve known it for 3 years. This is not the person that gave birth to me and raised me. I have no idea who this duplicate is but I will find my mom. I’m not crazy. They just don’t want to accept the fact that my mom is gone. She’s been replaced… What if my dad has something to do with it? It would make sense. Perhaps he fell under the impression of this convincing actor as being my mom. Oh, but I can’t be tricked... I know the truth. I can see right through this whole charade.” _

_ “That IS your mother Minho.” _

_ “No, that woman is NOT my mother.” _

_ “What happened yesterday night. February 14th.?” _

_ “I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be gone for HER to be gone. I didn’t kill her now did I? All I did was lock her in the shed.” _

_ “She almost died. Don’t you remember your mother is vulnerable to asthma attacks?” _

_ “But here’s the thing. That’s not my mother and she didn’t die, and I was never intending to end her life.”  _

_ “Does she sound like your mother? Look like her? ACT like her?” _

_ “YES BUT THAT IS NOT MY MOM” _

_ “....You’ll be sent to a psychiatric hospital and given a psych evaluation.” _

_ “Fuck… I’m not sick.”  _

_ *Click* _

Minho was shocked. He sat there and stared at the recorder with wide eyes and looked up at the psychiatrist. “I didn’t say those things. I didn’t do that. I don’t remember.”

“We know you don’t remember. That's why you’re here. We don’t think you have sociopathy but we are going to have to diagnose you correctly in order to give you the necessary treatments.” The therapist looked at him with sad eyes and Minho just looked down at his lap.

_ I never did that. I KNOW I didn’t. I thought I was here because I had an argument with that… impostor and threatened to end my life and hers. I could've sworn I went home after. Are they sure it was me?” _

“Do you believe this woman is your mother?” Dr. Kim took a photo out of her files and put it next to the recorder. “Yes, that’s her.”

“Is this also her?” She grabbed another photo out and put it next to the previous one.

“No, I don’t know who that is. That’s not my mom.” Minho was beginning to get upset but he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. “Minho… that IS your mother, we did fingerprint and DNA tests and they all matched up.” She sighed as she took back the photos and the recording.

“Impossible. Is this a psych evaluation or an interrogation?” Minho said angrily as he stood up and spun around towards the door. 

“We’re just trying to help you, not hurt you. Would you like to know what we suspect?”

Minho just nodded and decided to listen.  _ I might as well. _

“You show signs of Schizoid personality disorder, depression, and Capgras syndrome.” Dr. Kim announced to make sure he heard correctly.

_ Bullshit.  _

With that he continued towards the door and left, he didn’t want to hear more of this lie they came up with to keep him here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can't he remember?


	3. Primroses and Begonias

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if I've already clarified but some of this is based off of true things that have happened. BUT NOT ALL OF IT!  
> Please keep that in mind.

_What is she talking about? I’m not a schizoid. I just prefer to be alone. There’s nothing wrong with that. What is Capgras syndrome? They’re the ones that sound crazy. Not me._

Minho stood outside of the room in disbelief. He looked up and saw a guard with a clipboard standing at the exit of the waiting room and he heard the click of a door to his left, he knew who it was so he didn’t even bother to check.

“Hey, I thought an evaluation might have shaken you up a bit. I was really nervous.” Chan said as he inspected Minho’s face for a reaction while Minho slowly started walking to the guard with his eyes to the floor. “No, it was alright.” He retorted a little meaner than he meant to be. It didn’t matter.

“Follow me. No talking.” The guard sounded bored as if he’s done this a million times, which he probably has. They both followed the guard down a few hallways, passing the ones they went down earlier. Probably going to their new assigned rooms. Maybe with different roommates. Minho wasn’t looking forward to that. 

They finally went through a doorway with a large “S” labeled above it and went down a hallway with four doors with yellow and red lines on the floor. 

“Uh Bang Chan, your room is the last one on the left. Lee Minho your room is this first one to the right.” The guard read off what was on the clipboard and pointed to both rooms while doing so. “After lunch, you will go with your roommates to do the rest of the day’s activities. If you have any questions you can ask a nurse. Remember, no physical contact and no arguing.”

_So we do have roommates._

“Why are there only four rooms here?” Chan questioned the guard in confusion.

“We have Sector numbers and Groups within these sectors are labeled by alphabet. There are more rooms. Each hallway in this Sector has four rooms.” 

“Sounds like a prison,” Minho said nonchalantly, making his way to the room, leaving the guard and Chan in the hallway.

Minho closed the door and walked over to a bed that has his name at the foot of it. He sat down and heard the bathroom door open and close three times. He looked towards the door and saw a younger, tall, brown-haired boy walkout. 

“Oh hey, you must be the newbie. I’m Seungmin.” He heard the boy as he got closer.

“I’m Minho.” He responded before laying down on his bed. _Why are the beds so stiff?_

“I can tell you’re not one that likes to talk much. I am too so no need to worry about hurting my feelings for ignoring me or whatever.” Seungmin said as he walked off to his bed. 

“You don’t need to say anything but I’ll tell you a little bit about the others in this group. There are five other people that I know of, Changbin, Hyunjin, Jeongin, Felix, and Jisung. Changbin is the oldest of us, he’s 21 and the rest of us are 20. Changbin is pretty quiet but he’s a cool person. He’s fun to tease. Hyunjin is pretty clingy, he can be a lot at times and he likes being the center of attention. Jeongin is the youngest, he’s funny and cute but try not to get on his bad side PLEASE. Felix and Jisung are the twins of our group. They’re not actually twins though, they were just born a day apart. Felix is also someone clingy but do NOT say anything about his physical appearances. We learned that the hard way. Jisung… he’s quite a story. He’s someone that’s extremely clingy, which is why he, Felix, and Hyunjin get along so well. He’s sometimes hard to read and his mood shifts pretty frequently. I won’t say what any of them are diagnosed with or what they’re in here for out of respect. You can ask them later when you want to though. We’re going to see all of them in a few minutes for lunch.” Seungmin finished as he started slipping his slippers on.

Minho slowly sat up and faced Seungmin. “I’m 22… another person came into this sector with me named Chan who is 23. I guess we’re the oldest.” He sighed and stood up. 

“Oh alright, well we can go get lunch together so you can meet everyone else if you’d like.” Seungmin smiled at him. 

“I’d rather go alone.”

“Do you know where the cafeteria is here?”

“...no.” 

“Alright, well follow me,” Seungmin smirked as Minho followed behind him. “The others left already, I waited so I can greet you.” The cafeteria was quite close, it was large and it was filled with round tables with letters labeled on them. They got their food and Minho stood there waiting for Seungmin as he didn’t know where to go, “Our table is over there.” Seungmin pointed with the plastic spoon in his mouth. Minho followed where he pointed and saw that Chan was already there, smiling, laughing, and getting along with the new people. They made their way to the table, “Hey Seungmin! ...Chan is this the other new patient that came here?” Minho saw another boy with longer brown hair ask Chan. “Yeah, that’s Minho. He’s not much of a talker.” Chan let out a nervous laugh.

“Oh, then he and Seungmin should get along just fine.” A boy with black hair and braces commented. “I do talk” Seungmin whined, “Wait where’s Jisung?” He said as they sat down and looked around the table. “Oh, he’s in the bathroom” The same boy with brown hair answered with a bright smile. Seungmin just gave him a nod. 

“Hi Seungmin, I’m Chan.” Chan shot him a bright smile.

“Hey, Are you Minho? I’ll assume you’re Minho! I’m Hyunjin.” Hyunjin held out his hand and Minho just nodded. “Okay well, I’ll introduce everyone else!”

“This is Changbin,” A short black haired boy gave him a smile. 

“I’m Hyunjin,” He pointed at himself proudly.

“This is Felix,” he pointed to a thin, handsome, blonde haired boy next to him and he gave Minho a bow.

“This is Jeongin, we call him Innie because he’s the youngest.” Hyunjin gave the boy with braces a finger heart and Jeongin made a puking motion. 

“you’ve already met Seungminnie and Chan.” 

Minho gave them all a bow and looked down at his food as he thought Hyunjin was done introducing them.

“Jisung usually sits next to me but that hoe isn’t he- oh speak of the devil.” Hyunjin’s sentence cut off.

“Hey, guys! Did you guys miss me?” Minho then looked up and saw a thin brown haired person... Staring at him? More like examining him.

“Ew no, we could never” Hyunjin dramatically draped himself over Jisung as he sat down.

“No Touching!” They could hear a guard in the distance. “Ugh, why does he feel the need to yell at us every day?” Hyunjin straightened himself up. “Probably because you three can’t keep your hands to yourselves.” Seungmin retorted before taking a bite of his food. Hyunjin just stuck his tongue out at him. 

“Hey, I’m Jisung. Are you Minho?” Jisung introduced himself and gave him a smile. “Yes.” That was all he said for the rest of the time. “Oh, my gosh his voice,” He heard Felix say in amusement.

_Oh my gosh, HIS voice. Why is it so deep? Isn’t he only 20?_

“Minho, I’m not sure if you care or not but Felix and I are from the same town in Australia! I’m surprised we’ve never met each other.” Chan seemed genuinely happy.

“Maybe you guys meeting here is destiny~” Changbin pointed his spoon between the both of them. “Yes because finding love in a psychiatric hospital is the best love story,” Jeongin said with noticeable sarcasm. “That’s not what I meant. You watch too many dramas.” Changbin rolled his eyes dramatically. 

The rest of them laughed and chatted as they ate.

_They all seem so normal. It’s hard to think people like them ending up here._

When Minho finished his food he put up his tray and started making his way to his room. 

“Minho! Minho!!!” he heard his name being called so he looked behind him. It was Jisung.

“Are you going to your room?”

“Yeah. Don’t we need to do group therapy?”

Jisung gave him a confused look before coming to a realization. “OHHH! You know, our group doesn’t actually do all of that. The most we do on that schedule is medication, eating times, and bedtime. We do our therapies on Sundays. That schedule is literally there for ‘professionalism’.” 

Minho stopped abruptly. “So what you’re saying is that you guys practically do whatever you want all day?”

Jisung walked in front of him. “That’s exactly what I’m saying… we are in the minimum security unit so we have fewer guards and rules.” He gave Minho a smirk.

“Oh.” Minho slipped past him and walked into his room.

_They don’t actually use the schedule? What kind of psych ward is this? This should be proof that they only keep us to make a profit. There’s nothing wrong with us. There’s so much wrong with this situation. Minimum security? Don’t they remember what I have allegedly done? I’m not even diagnosed!_

He laid there in his bed staring at the ceiling. A few minutes go by before he hears voices outside of his room. Hopefully real ones. 

“The nurses don’t like it when we’re in our rooms all day… come hang out with us in the common room.” Seungmin entered the room, opening and closing the door three times, and walked over to Minho’s bed. 

“I like being in here by myself.” Minho turned onto his side, his back facing Seungmin. “Please? Just to get to know everyone a bit better. I noticed that during lunch you ignored everyone and haven’t paid any real attention to the conversations.” Seungmin sounded worried.

“Fine, but if I don’t like it I will just come back to the room.” Minho sighed before turning around and standing up. Seungmin gave him an appreciative smile and they made their way to the common room. 

When they got there, he noticed that there were only eight of them there.

_Are there no other patients?_

_“_ Oh hey, guys!” Changbin greeted the two of them. “Oh wow, you got Minho to come out? He barely even looked at me when we met.” Chan asked in amusement. 

“Yeah, it was fairly easy.” Seungmin sat down in a chair next to a couch.

“Minho, come sit next to me!” He looked over and saw Jisung patting the seat next to him. _...why not._ He sat next to Jisung who seemed really happy. “Hey, why’d you do that? I was going to ask him to sit next to me.” Hyunjin pouted.

“Well, I asked first.” Jisung beamed. “Also you have Felix leaning on you and Chan sitting next to you so where would Minho sit? Hmm?” 

“Hmm… On my lap obviously.” He joked while rolling his eyes. “Cheesy.” Jisung scoffed and the rest of them laughed while Minho sat there confused. This reminded him of highschool. How his ‘friends’ would make jokes that he wouldn’t understand, laugh at things that he never saw as funny. He realized he hasn’t really felt anything in a very long time.

_They won’t accept you. Society didn’t accept you so why would they?_

“Shut up.” Minho quietly said out loud. _The voices are back._ The laughing around him stopped abruptly. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Hyunjin said in an apologetic tone. _Fuck._

“Oh I don’t mind, I wasn’t talking to you,” Minho responded with a distant look on his face. They all exchanged looks of confusion. 

“Uh… how about we show them the art room?” Changbin chimed in to settle down the tense atmosphere. “Yeah, that sounds fun!” Chan got up and Hyunjin clung to him in the process.

Jisung stood up and grabbed Minho’s arm and hung onto it. Surprising Minho as he hasn’t had any type of physical contact with people in _YEARS._ They all made their way to the art room, a guard following close behind. She didn’t say anything about them clinging to each other, she either got used to it or trusted them enough to allow it to happen.

“This is where we go when we have nothing better to do with ourselves.” Felix hopped up and down as they entered the room. There were six round tables in the room with art lining the walls and ceiling. Minho shook Jisung off his arm, making the younger pout in the process. He noticed there were two guards already in the room. There were limited supplies, mostly markers, crayons, and construction paper. As if this was made for a kindergarten class.

They spent most of the day there until it was outside / gym time. 

There wasn’t much there either. A few yoga balls, mats, exercise bikes, and three treadmills. While the others went into the gym, Minho went outside, Felix following close behind. Minho thought the small courtyard was beautiful, with many flowers and benches all around. Minho sat at a bench that had many flowers around it and Felix sat down on the other end. 

“Why aren’t you in the gym? I’m not allowed in the gym.” The younger chuckled lightly. “I prefer being outside,” Minho responded. “Yeah, I guess it’s really pretty. When I first got here I spent a lot of time out here. I had a constant watch on me for a few months.” Felix reminisced as the memory came to mind. 

“It’s calming.” Minho got down on his knees and picked a yellow flower. “This is a Yellow Primrose… Do you know what they mean?” Minho slowly stood up and turned to give the flower to Felix. 

“No, what do they mean?” Felix smiled at the kind gesture.

“Find out, and you tell me.” He said coldly before looking away and seeing Jisung standing at the entrance to the courtyard with a look he couldn’t describe. 

“Hmm.. well I know that yellow flowers usually mean happiness or friendship. Does it stand for a long-lasting and happy friendship?” He looked at Minho with glossy eyes.

“Not quite. Keep thinking.” That was all he said before leaving.

Jisung gave Minho a smile before speed walking towards Felix who was still examining the flower.

“Oh hey, Jisung! Minho gave me this flower and told me to figure out what it meant… Do you know what it means?” Felix’s face twisted in confusion as Jisung waited for Minho to be out of sight.

“I do know what it means.” Jisung felt a little hurt as he looked at Felix, making sure it wasn’t noticeable.

“Oh please tell me, my dear twin,” Felix said as he whined and hung onto Jisung.

“It means you can’t live without someone. Also stands for young love.” Jisung said before walking over to a barrel of pink Begonias. 

“Oh? Then why would Minho give it to me? Perhaps he wants me to be a close friend of his!” Felix beamed at the flower and then back at Jisung. 

“I don’t know. Here. Figure out what this means.” Jisung shoved a pink flower into his hand and sped walked out of the courtyard.

“Wait Jisung! Wha-. What is with them and flower meanings? I didn’t come here to do homework.” Felix pouted as he stared at the two flowers in confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Begonias? 
> 
> ________________
> 
> This chapter was thrown together so apologies for any mistakes or misunderstandings.


	4. Lukewarm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter DOES include mention of self harm but this is how you will know when it comes up and ends:
> 
> ⚠️= Mention of self harm scene starts
> 
> ➖= Mention of self harm scene over

Minho walked past Jisung at the entrance to the courtyard and went into the gym once again.

_ Did Jisung see all of that? Does he know what it means? Hopefully not. _

“Hey, decided to join us?” Chan interrupted his thinking with a weary voice. Minho looked at him and noticed for the first time how tired Chan actually looked. His puffy eyes and the dark crevices that dwell under them, his almost colorless lips. It was apparent that this man needed sleep but he didn’t seem tired. Not one bit.

“No. Just decided to look around. I’m going back to my room. I’ll see you guys at dinner… you should get some sleep.” Minho turned to leave as he made his way down the hall to his room.

“Minho! Minho!!” He heard him. Once again, it was Jisung. 

He continued walking, hoping that the younger would just lose interest and leave him alone. Sadly that wasn’t the case.

“Hey didn’t you hear me calling your name?” Jisung caught up to him.

“Can we hang out? I want to ask you a few things.” The younger asked him, he stopped walking as the question caught him off guard. 

_ What if it’s about what happened in the courtyard? Why else would he want to talk to me? _

“No, I’m not in the mood right now.” Minho continued walking, he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

“Please! I do this to every new person that comes to our group! I promise it won’t be for long!” Jisung begged him and kept up with him as they made it outside Minho’s door.

“Fine. But only for a few minutes. I want to be alone.” He gave in as he didn’t think the persistent Jisung would listen to him anyway. Jisung beamed and they went into Minho’s room.

Minho sat down on his bed and leaned against the wall and Jisung sat down at the foot of the bed crisscrossed while darting his eyes around the room. 

“It looks so different here, Seungmin has never allowed me to come in because he thought I’d break something.” He chuckled while Minho stared at his own lap.

“Hurry up and ask your questions so you can leave.” Minho was a bit irritated but nonetheless, he was still curious about what Jisung was on about.

“Alright alright. I’ll get to the main questions I’ve been thinking about. Have you ever dated anyone?” Jisung questioned him while leaning forward a bit. Minho threw his head up and their eyes met. 

_ Well, that was a strong first question. _

“Once, but it didn’t work out. I guess I didn’t pay much attention to her and it upset her.” He mumbled in response to his question.

“Oh, maybe she wasn’t the one?” Jisung slowly uncrossed his legs and crawled to sit next to Minho, leaning against the wall.

“Pfft. Maybe. I never really found interest in anyone, not even her. Just wanted to feel something I guess. Well.. at least until now” Minho scoffed and felt Jisung shift next to him.

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“Nothing. I don’t need to clarify.” 

_ Keep answering these questions and he’ll use them against you later.  _ Minho shook away the voice and continued listening.

“Oh okay, then that brings me to my next question… Why did you give Felix a Primrose? ” Jisung turned his body to face Minho’s.

_ Uh oh… Maybe I was right! Answer this and he can use it against you later.  _ Maybe the voice was right but he shouldn’t put so much doubt in someone he barely even knows.

“Why are you so curious about it?” Minho tried to look unfazed by the question which threw Jisung off because he was expecting some type of reaction from him given the flower’s meaning.

“Because I know what it means. It means you can’t live without someone and it also means young love. I told Felix what it meant.” Jisung finished as he scanned Minho’s face with his eyes. Minho froze.

_ What are you going to do now? What will you say to Felix? What would he think? Will you tell him about the foreign feeling he made you feel? A feeling you have never experienced until you heard him speak? Tell him! Tell him! _

Minho started to feel some type of panic rise, but he didn’t want to let the younger one know that. So he kept a straight face and continued the conversation as casually as possible.

“Oh did you now. How did you know?” It wasn’t surprising to him how well he can mask his feelings. 

“I took 2 years of agriculture and floral design in high school. I picked up a lot on flower meanings and it became an interest of mine to research them.” Jisung sighed and turned his body forward to lean back onto the wall. No reaction… hmm.

“If you know the meaning then you should know why I gave it to him.” Minho always thought he couldn’t feel affection towards someone but for some reason, Felix spiked his interest. He kind of wanted to get to know him.

“Yeah, I guess. Alright onto the next question! Why are you here and what are your diagnoses? You seem so.. Normal.. Almost too normal.” Jisung was a little hurt by Minho’s response to the question because yes, it means Minho has some feelings for Felix… but on the other hand… he always wins.

“I’m not sick. The therapist says she suspects schizoid personality disorder, depression, and Capgras syndrome… whatever that is. When I was younger, doctors said I showed symptoms of schizophrenia, schizotypal personality disorder, and sociopathy… Why are you here?” Minho felt himself getting a little bit more upset by the sudden intrusion of the question so he diverted the conversation to Jisung.

“Woah, you got quite a list, don’t you. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and severe anxiety.” Jisung started fiddling with his fingers and Minho could tell he was holding something back. He didn’t want to pry more as the sooner the conversation ended the sooner he would leave.

“Isn’t Borderline Personality Disorder where you have multiple personalities?” To be honest, as smart as Minho was, he wasn’t into the whole ‘how a human mind works’ type of stuff so most of these terms were new to him.

⚠️

“Not exactly, Jisung let out a short chuckle before continuing, “I’ll put it in simple terms. You know that fear you feel when you lose your mom in a store when you’re a kid? Now multiply that fear by one hundred and apply it to every person in your life and it sticks with you forever. Do you know how people can have attachment issues and trust issues? Now also apply that to all your relationships. One moment all you can think about is how much you care about someone and not want to lose them, and then the next you think they’re cruel and don’t care enough about you. We call it ‘splitting’. You know how teenagers go through fazes where they’re trying new things and trying to find out who they are and their place in the world? Now try doing everything you can think of and still feel like a total nobody, almost nonexistent. You know how people commonly get intrusive thoughts? Now imagine acting on them about 70% of the time and sometimes becoming so paranoid afterward that you have no memory of doing it most of the time to spare yourself from thinking about how terrible of a person you are. You know how everyone has their ups and downs? Imagine one moment you’re thinking that you’re the only person deserved to walk this tragic Earth and then the next second you’re so depressed to the point where you’re laying down on your bedroom floor attempting to end it all with a razorblade and a bottle of pills. The mood swings are the scariest sometimes because it’s surprising how a person could do anything to harm themselves when we’re supposed to be wired to want to survive. When these episodes tend to happen it’s not just like you can just forget about it and instantly go back to a stable mindset, it’s something that goes on for a long period of time and it’s very hard to return to a stable mindset. Luckily for me, I haven’t had an episode like that in about… two months I think.” He finished explaining and started clenching and unclenching his fists and biting his bottom lip.

➖

_ Sounds terrible. Maybe I should stop complaining about my inability to express or feel intense emotions like that. _

They sat there quietly for a few minutes before Jisung decided to speak up. “I should probably go, we need to get ready for dinner. It’s in like 10 minutes I think?” Jisung crawled over Minho and sped walked towards the door but before he left he said one more thing to him.

“When I saw that you gave Felix a Primrose… I decided to give him a Begonia.” He continued to leave and once he closed the door, what he said finally settled in Minho’s mind.

_ A Begonia. They mean gratitude and respect… but they also mean caution and warning of an unfortunate event. So him giving Felix that flower can either be a good thing… or a very bad thing. Hopefully, he was showing gratitude to Felix, knowing everyone refers to them as twins, or he respects me giving the flower to Felix. On the other hand.. If it’s the other reason… it can be very bad for him, having recently received the knowledge of Jisung’s condition it may not end well. _

Minho decided that he couldn’t sit there with his thoughts any longer and decided to just go to the cafeteria. As he was leaving, he opened the door and Seungmin was there. No Jisung insight.

“Hey, I was just coming to get you, I noticed that you and Jisung weren’t around so I came to get you for dinner.” Seungmin gave him a happy smile and turned to walk away, Minho in tow. When they got there they repeated what they did earlier that day but this time when they got to the table he noticed that a few of them were in a different spot, besides Seungmin’s spot for some reason he refuses to sit in any other spot besides that on. Around the table, in order, it was Jisung, Seungmin, Jeongin, Hyunjin, Felix, Chan, Changbin, and then an empty spot between Jisung and Changbin in which he assumed was for him. The others at the table greeted them and continued on with their conversation.

Minho took a bite of his moderately tasty food and mindlessly observed the table and then noticed that Felix had just a little bit more food than everyone else yet he was barely touching it.  _ Maybe he’s just hungry and too into the conversation. _ He brushed it off because it didn’t seem like a big deal at all. Everyone ate their food and instead of finishing his food and leaving, Minho decided to wait for everyone else so they could all walk back at the same time.

Once everyone was done they did just that, Minho walked behind the rest of them on their way to the dorms, just lingering behind looking at the floor. 

“Are you alright?” It was a deep voice. Felix’s voice.

Minho raised his head to the left and saw Felix looking back at him with genuine eyes.

_ What’s so different about him? What draws me to him? _

“Uh, yeah I’m fine. Just tired.” Minho said as he cleared his throat. Is he thirsty? 

“Well get some good sleep tonight! Tomorrow is going to be another great day!” Felix countered with elevated happiness. They made it to the hallway with their rooms and everyone went into the rooms to relax until it was time to take their medication. Minho went into the room and Seungmin followed behind him, opening and closing the door three times. 

“Why do you do that everytime you close the door?” Minho was actually curious. Maybe it’s the new medication because, before all of this, he didn’t have much interest in people at all.

“Oh, that? It’s just something I’ve been doing since I was 13... I actually forgot how it started.” Seungmin seemed uncomfortable with the topic so Minho brushed it off with a subtle hum.

_ I should shower. I haven’t showered once since I’ve been here. I probably smell. _

Minho got his clothes together and started making his way to the bathroom.

“Are you going to shower? If you are I gotta warn you, the water isn’t hot, it gets lukewarm at the most.” Seungmin shouted before Minho closed the door.  _ Great. _

⚠️

He walked over and turned on the water before getting undressed and stepping into the shower. The lukewarm water wasn’t the best but it was good enough. He proceeded to wash his body and as he washed his legs he felt a shiver of pain shoot through his legs and he looked behind his calves and he saw them. Scars. He scratched part of the scabbing off by accident and saw crimson streaks start to flow down the drain.

_ Do you remember doing that to yourself? It was quite funny actually, I enjoyed it.  _

“Shut up” he mumbled before proceeding to carefully wash his legs. Luckily the water was an alright temperature and it didn’t make the pain of the open wounds worse.

_ When did I do this to myself? I don’t remember. Why are they so large? Why didn’t I feel them? The ‘incident’ happened only two days ago. I’m pretty sure I would have seen this. _

➖

Minho finished up his business in the bathroom and came out. 

“I’m going to shower now, if the medication comes before I’m out can you ask the nurse to put it on my desk?” Seungmin asked him while gathering his clothing. 

“Sure.” 

Seungmin excused himself from the room and walked to the bathroom, doing his usual door routine. Then Minho was alone, one again stuck with the voice that dwells in his mind. 

⚠️

_ Those marks make you pretty you know? LOOK! You didn’t even feel them until you took a shower! What difference would it make if you did it again?? _

➖

“I’d probably be put in solitary or a tighter security type of place.” He scoffed as he laid down on his bed. He knows talking out loud to a voice that’s in his head wasn’t normal but it’s all he’s ever known. Despite himself believing he wasn’t crazy, he knew there was undeniably a voice.

A few minutes later, just when the silence was starting to be once again, soothing. He heard a click of the door open. Both from the bathroom and the room door. 

A nurse came in with a tray with their medications on it and it was the same medication he received that morning, minus the green and white capsules. 

“Name, age, and patient number please.”

“Lee Minho. 22. 042320.”

She gave him a water bottle and the pills and he took them. Like a good patient. She went over to Seungmin and asked the same thing. 

He laid down and waited for the medication to take effect.

_ That medication won’t work. Fools!” _

“As long as it keeps you quiet I don’t give a shit.” He silently whispered.

“Goodnight Minho.”

“Night.” 

Half an hour went by and he fell asleep, the medication made him tired.

….Crazy people, am I right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was only the first day...? What is Jisung hiding? 
> 
> ___________________  
> It took me three chapters to get through the first day...


	5. *hugs*

“Shhhh, you guys will wake him up!”

“You’re the one that’s yelling!”

“So are you!”

“Aw look, you guys woke him up.”

Minho woke up to the sound of voices starting to illuminate behind him in the room, and as far as he knew, he couldn’t tell if they were real or not. As hesitant as he was, he slowly turned over to face Seungmin’s side of the room... He immediately sat up in his bed when he saw that everyone was there; looking back at him.

“Oh, sorry we woke you up. It was Changbin’s idea!” Hyunjin explained while pointing at Changbin and bolted up on Seungmin’s bed. In the process sending Jisung and Felix tumbling to the floor. 

“Hey! What was that for?” Felix pouted and quickly got up.

“Asshole! I was laying on you!” Jisung retorted in an irritative tone, rubbing his lower back.

“Sorry, I just needed to let him know that it wasn’t our fault.” Hyunjin sent him an innocent smile while Felix settled back into his right side. 

“Uhuh, right.” Jisung got up and went back to laying on Hyunjin’s left side with the remaining doubt on his face.

“It’s alright… I guess. Just startled me.” Minho was curious about how those three could be so clingy to each other, how people could stand so much physical contact in general. “Do you want to join us?” Jeongin asked him and tilted his head slightly.

“I might as well. I’m already awake.” Minho once again got curious. 

_ Seriously what is going on with me? I’ve never been interested in nor cared about people. They shouldn’t be making me feel any different. Maybe it’s the medication. It HAS to be the medication. _

“Okay, well you can come over here and join us if you’d like.” Chan chimed in and supplied him with a reassuring smile.

“It’s fine… I’ll just stay over here.” Minho felt a little uncomfortable in this setting. This was new to him. He was the center of attention at the moment and he didn’t like it. During high school, his ‘friends’ never invited him anywhere or included him in anything. It never bothered him as he preferred being home alone in his room with the two cats he had at the time.

“Well, I’ll come to join you over there, no need to be lonely.” Jisung spluttered out and got up from Hyunjn’s side, soon replaced by Changbin, and went over and sat down against the wall on Minho’s bed. Minho looked in their direction and noticed Seungmin with a look of worry on his face. When Seungmin noticed Minho looking at him, he quickly went back to his usual dandy smile.

Jisung threw his legs over Minho’s and since Minho was still under the covers, he had a bit of a hard time retracting his legs from underneath the thin blanket.

_ Too much contact. _

“You don’t like touching, huh? Neither does Seungmin and sometimes Jeongin.” Jisung asked him as the others were having a small quarrel over who got to cuddle with Hyunjin. “Not really. Guess I’m not used to it.” Minho finished and briefly looked towards the others before seeing Chan get up and walk over to them. 

“I’ll join you guys too, there’s not much space over there.” Chan laughed and nodded his head towards the mess of bodies on the other bed. He then sat down next to Jisung. 

“Why are you all in here? What time is it?” Minho asked and averted his gaze to his lap with yet another blank stare. 

“It’s like 12:30. It’s not that late. We all gathered to talk more and get to know the newbies. Usually, when someone new shows up, we get together in the hallway since Seungmin doesn’t like going into our rooms. But it’s too cold to go out there tonight so we all met in here.” Jeongin stated matter-of-factly.

“The nurses don’t care?” Minho looked towards Jisung for an answer, as he was the closest to him, who he realized was gazing at him. In an instant, Jisung snapped out of it and answered. “OH! They don’t know.” He smirked.

_ Seriously what kind of hospital is this…? _

“Mmm.” Minho moved his eyes back towards his hands, which were resting in his lap. 

“Anyways… we were talking about certain triggers or things we don’t like since we’re going to be living together for a while… you know?” Changbin took back the conversation as it was getting a little awkward.

“I guess I’ll finish mine,” Chan stepped in with jazz hands, “As I was saying, I don’t really have any triggers. I’m really only in here because I have a hard time taking care of myself and have had many of what you would consider ‘close calls’. I don’t do it purposefully, I have ADHD and chronic insomnia. My family is back in Australia and I don’t have anyone here to help keep me on track. So, I’m not sure how long I’ll be in here.” He finished and sent Minho another reassuring smile. Minho just looked back at him.

“We should start over since Minho is awake now. We can probably go by age, which means it’s my turn.” Changbin sent small waves to Chan and Minho as Minho just sat there playing with a loose string on the hem of his shirt.

“O-kay. Well, I suffered from chronic depression and suicidal thoughts. I was going through a hard time… not mentioning what happened because Hyunjin and Jisung like to tease me and laugh at me over it,” he sent playful, daggering stares to said boys. They both just scoffed in return. “I also don’t have many triggers, my only trigger is the thing that drove me to the situation. Alright, well I’m done so Hyunjin stop touching my leg and start talking.” Changbin swatted his Hyunjin’s hand away and they all just laughed. 

“Alright everyone, shut up and all eyes on me!” He announced.

_ Great.... the annoying one… _

“I was told that I suffer from a disorder called “Histrionic personality disorder”. I personally believe that they are just overreacting to my sense of self-confidence. Like it’s not my fault that everyone needs to have an insecurity to meet their standards of ‘normal’.” Hyunjin grumbled.

“...But you almost kil-” 

“SHSHSHHHHHH” Hyunjin quickly hushed Jisung from the other side of the room.

“I don’t want to talk about that yet,” he settled back down, “I don’t have any triggers because there isn’t anything wrong with me. I’m quite literally perfect.” He removed his arm from under Changbin and pushed his brown hair behind his ears.

“Not as perfect as my as-”

“OKAY!” Changbin chimed in, Jisung once again being cut off.

“Changbin, you’re no fun. Is it my turn? I think it’s my turn. I’ll just go because I think it’s my turn.” Jisung sat up straight as if getting ready to give a speech. “I already told Minho but I don’t think I told Chan yet,”

_ I thought he also interviewed Chan… weirdo. _

“I suffer from severe anxiety and borderline personality disorder. I do NOT have any triggers because I am just that swag.” He looked between Minho and Chan with confidence. 

“Jisung…?” Changbin started.

“Okay fine! Let’s get a few things straight then,” Jisung cleared his throat before continuing. “1. I am not” he put up one finger.

Minho looked up at that.  _ Is he gay? _

“We know that”

“2. I also only have two triggers which are a person and mechanical pencils.” he lifted another finger.

_ Wait mechanical pencils?  _ Minho was starting to get more confused and his ears perked up as he went on. 

“3. I am very swag.”

“Last but definitely not least, 4… I always win.” Jisung finished by lifting another finger while his eyes being fixed on something.. Or someone. Minho followed his eyes and saw he was looking at Felix, yet Felix didn’t notice as he was facing the other way, messing with Hyunjin’s hand. He looked towards Seungmin and noticed once again, Seungmin having a worried look while looking at Jisung. Nobody else seemed to notice the tense situation besides Seungmin so Minho just brushed it off.

“Okay, Ji finished. Your turn Lix.” Hyunjin piped up and gave Felix an encouraging squeeze. 

“I’m not exactly comfortable sharing just yet… I want to get to know them more…” Felix seemed to shrink as he was unsure how they would take it. Minho briefly glanced his way and without thinking, spoke up. “It’s fine. You can tell us whenever.” Felix had flashed a look of surprise before returning to a warm smile.

“Yeah, we get it! You don’t need to tell us right now if you’re uncomfortable with it!” Chan had his usual energy and smile upon his face as he added on to Minho’s previous sentence. 

“Thank you.”

“I actually have quite a few triggers. I suffer from OCD, hence the door thing you see me do, sometimes I also repeat words. I do a lot of things in threes. I also suffer from schizophrenia, I’d rather not go too much into it. Basically, I am a neat freak that suffers from manic episodes. I wouldn’t call these triggers, more like preferences that keep me from going crazy,” Seungmin raised his hands.

“A bit late for that.” Jisung snorted before receiving a death stare from Seungmin.

“Okay, Minho this is mostly for you since you’re my roommate. Until now, I’ve never had a roommate. I’d like it if you took a shower twice a day. Which it seems like you already do. I don’t like touching or long conversations unless I am close and comfortable with you. Which also seems like you. As for schizophrenia, I don’t really have any triggers in that area. Basically don’t try to deceive me, as I am a really observant person and I can tell when someone is lying. I learned about this after going through a few manic episodes. Lastly, please don’t do anything to hurt anyone here. It doesn’t have anything to do with my ‘disorders’. It’s just an asshole thing to do.” Seungmin then crisscrossed his legs and smiled. 

“Hey don’t swear!” Changbin scolded him and lightly tapped his shoulder.

“Jisung swears all the time!” Felix suddenly piped up.

“He’s different.” Changbin rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, maybe a different species.” Hyunjin playfully mocked the younger.

“You’re just jealous” Jisung countered and they all laughed. 

Minho felt something on his knee and noticed Jisung’s hand rested on it with his thumb thoughtlessly caressing it, he looked around to make sure nobody was looking before brushing it off.

“SSSSHHHHHH! My turn!” Jeongin smiled wide, showing off his braces, “I suffer from bipolar disorder. I also don’t have many triggers. Basically, when I’m happy or energetic don’t tell me to calm down. Also, try to not get on my bad side… it won’t end well.” He smiled, making the threat less fearful. 

Minho felt a little more concern burning inside him.  _ They all seem so normal… I would have never guessed any of them have these things. _

_ Really? Or are you still trying to convince yourself that you’re not crazy… that none of you are crazy and that you’re all here as part of a conspiracy? That in itself sounds CRAZY! _

Minho shook his head as if it would get rid of the annoying voice.

_ I thought this medication was supposed to work… _

“Minho hasn’t gone yet,” Jisung pointed to him and he felt himself get heated up from the sudden attention. 

“I’m not crazy. The people here just don’t know how to evaluate mental health… they think I have schizoid personality disorder, depression, and Capgras syndrome… I still don’t know what that is.” Minho finished as he brought his knees closer and began to feel himself shrink. 

“Maybe you can ask your therapist. Our group does therapy on Sundays!” Hyunjin suggested before once again becoming preoccupied with his cuddle session.

“...maybe I will… I’ll think about it,” Minho mumbled, almost inaudible.

_ Admit ittttt! You’re becoming more interested in them, aren’t you? Oh, but you can’t let them know that, you know you can’t! You don’t even know if you can trust them. Hell… you can’t even tell what is real and what isn’t… am I real? … Oh that’s right… you don’t know… you’ll never know. _

“Shut up,” Minho whispered as low as he could, as to not let anyone else in the room know what’s going on. Again… he knows that talking to a voice in his head aloud was in fact, not normal… but what could he do about it?

“I know what Capgras syndrome is,” Felix waved his hands in front of him as he scrambled out of Hyunjin’s arms to sit up. “It’s basically when you think a friend or someone close to you is replaced by someone else, a duplicate. They can have the same mannerisms and looks but the person with the syndrome can think of them as an… ‘imposter’.” Felix hesitated the last word as he didn’t want to say something to potentially set Minho off. 

Minho just stared at him, not knowing what to say or think. 

_ That’s not right. They have to be wrong. I have actual proof that the woman calling herself my mother is in fact NOT my mother. _

He looked around and settled on Chan, who was starting to pull his eyebrows together in pity. He didn’t need pity because he was fine. He hasn’t done anything wrong… he thinks so anyway.

“Wow, that sounds tough. Imagine having someone close to you being replaced by someone or something.” Jeongin spoke up skeptically as he scanned Minho. Who once again, was not showing emotion.

After a few seconds of silence, Chan cleared his throat and clapped his hands together, “We should go to bed because it’s getting late, yeah?” Minho was grateful for the attention to be averted off of him.

The group shared a few grumbles of agreement and started to leave the room. Jisung stayed by Minho until it was just him, Minho, and Seungmin in the room. Seungmin went into the bathroom and Minho went back to playing with the hem of his shirt, knowing that the younger was going to ask him for something. 

“Can I have a hug?” Jisung asked him in a hesitant tone. This took Minho by surprise and he whipped his head up to looked at Jisung with confusion on his face. Out of everything he could have asked about… he asked for a hug? 

Jisung noticed his confusion and added to the question. “Uhh, I was just asking for a hug but if it’s a no then I’ll just leave.” He began to scramble out of Minho’s bed and ran to the door, Minho’s eyes following him as he’s doing this.

“Fine… only one.” Minho didn’t want to create any problems with the younger so he just decided to give in.

Jisung turned his head to Minho with relief and ran back over to him to put him in his warm embrace.

_ This is a hug? Someone crushing someone else? _

“Thank you… I kind of needed it.” Jisung hummed before letting go. Minho just hummed back and watched Jisung leave with a smile on his face.

Seungmin walked out of the bathroom and they exchanged a ‘goodnight’ to each other before going back under their individual covers. The voice was being tame and quiet so it didn’t take long for Minho to fall back to sleep.

_ Maybe this place isn’t so bad after all. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Minho is starting to warm up to Jisung...
> 
> _______________________________________
> 
> Sorry for the sudden week and a half absence. As I've mentioned many times, I suffer from a few of these disorders so there will be times when I go silent. You can try to guess what I have if you'd like to but don't think too much about it, please.


End file.
